Sometimes you Mend and Sometimes You Don’t.
There is a time to build fences and a time to rip them down.
I’m in a phase of doing both.
Boundaries and borders are important.
I read a book on the subject in therapy back in my thirties.
It was one of the best books I’ve read.
People love to cross your boundaries and take everything they can, if you let them.
So set strong boundaries and stick with them.
Decide what means the most to you and then fight for it, no matter what the people say.
The best way I find to suppress the fence-crossers is to remind myself, bravery is easy when you snarl and snipe behind a keyboard.
So you punch “Ignore” and then you start to remind yourself of all the good people out there.
There are far more and yet the nasty seem to garner most of the attention….so change it.
In our new Montana home, one of our neighbors drove up the other day to introduce themselves. They have a dog (Eli) who loves to bark at the delivery people.
The couple came down to apologize for their dogs hatred of delivery people and all the barking. We honestly don’t even notice, he’s a dog and dogs bark. But it gave us a chance to meet them, show them the airbnb and plan a beer on the deck night.
We needed a counter top and saw a sign at Townsend Flooring that said “Remnants For Sale.” We stopped in and by the time we were done talking with Chris, we’d also purchased the kitchen cabinets from him (better quality and less expensive than the ones we were looking at online) and when they arrived he put them together, cut and sanded the butcher block counter top and paid to have them installed. I’m not kidding you.
We’re looking for a high table with four chairs and see some listed on Market Place. Turns out they are from a brewery (Free Fall) in Bozeman. The guy “Steve” worked in radio in Portland for awhile. He heard my name, looked me up and remembered me. We picked up the table and chairs yesterday and Steve texts to invite us to his new brewery and pizza place for dinner on him. I’m going to have him on the podcast soon so you’ll get to know his story.
As my social media continues to light up with nasty comments from people barking like street dogs and acting as though they are the cultural monitors with all the answers, you must remind yourself: they don’t really know nor do they want to understand and that for me is an uncrossable boundary that is closed tight.
I am reminded about the good people, the ones who don’t hide behind keyboards and fake smiles. These are the people who don’t need a “Choose Kindness” sign in their yard to remind them to be nice they can’t help being kind it’s just part of who they are.
Yes, there are some amazing people out there you just have to remind yourself and be open to them.